Cant believe its DECEMBER

I love this time of the year ,bakeing,cooking,family,friends, decorating ,eating laughing and the magic that this time of year brings. This year flew by can hardly believe that soon we will be entering into another year.I have been praying about a decision to leave the nursing home and after much prayer and talking to people who I trust I have decided to say good bye to my residents and their families whow,, its been very hard they become like your family.They have all had such kind word to me that I dont deserve you never realize how God uses you in ways you dont even see. I am so humble and thankful for all the kind words. I know that God had something for me or a plan for me at the Oncology center,I have been so stressed at my job knowing that I am unable to fix things ,the 12 hour shifts have been harder as I get older and sometimes feel like I have been put in ethical dilemma's with coworkers. I will miss my residents so much and some of my coworkers but I will stay prn .
I went for orientation at the new job and everyone seems so nice,I think it will be alot less stress on me and its great hours so Jay and I will be able to have more time together .No weekends or Holidays and they said we were off the 2 days prior to Christmas with pay crazy hey !!! Have my own little office and business cards with my name on it Intake Coordinator I feel so important ha ha ha.Change can be so hard but sometimes it can be good and needed.
Well just a little update ,,Jay is doing good still liking his job at Sherwin Williams and we are so blessed with great insurance there, we have been busy decorating for Christmas we all know how much my husband love those lights... I miss the NY grand kids alot and wish I could see them. well that's about it .Praying you all have a wonderful holiday season and take time to enjoy your family use those paper plates,bake together,and slow down and savor the season,
,,

Thankful

I have so much to be thankful for like friends and family . I am thankful for the life God Choose for me . though I dont always understand it I know its His perfect plan for me. I have been struggling with a career decision and this has been very hard for me . I have always loved beinga nurse but this past year has been a real struggle for me . I have thought about taking a break from nursing for a while but then I never have real peace about it,I have met some of the most amazing people along the way, but where I am at right now I feel as though I never have time to just sit and listen to theses old folks and they all have such a story , I just hope when I get old there will be someone who wants to hear my life story.Then there are the people I work with they all have a life story and some are not so pleasent.My heart hurts for some of these girls.Do they not realize there is so much more than abusive ,broken relationships, They are beautiful girls .

I am so glad I have a realtionship with the one who matters most,and know that no matter what He will always love me. Nursing is so much more than just passing pills and doing treatments it more than charting a millions words a day, its about showing Gods love to these old folks ,to be a smiling face,even when you dont want to smile,its holding a hand tight as they go to meet their maker,its comforting a family ,its being a example to my coworkers ,its team building,its pulling togeather when things get tough and its going the extra mile when you dont feel like it.I am thankful that I have been a nurse the last 26 yrs .I know its a hard road somedays but hope to be doing it for many years to come

Well it was a very long week waiting to see the specialist and its funny how much we lean on the Lord when we are put in a tough spot. My goal is to lean on God more even when I am not in a tough spot. I had wonderful news that this was most likely caused by a virus and resolve on its own in 2-6 months, praise God I was scared it was something serious.
I completed my mentoring class last night and the whole study was on the Titus 2 woman so at the end of class they gave us a book Becoming a Titus 2 woman yikes!!! Me strong willed,independent,career woman Oh dear this is going to be a stretch but I know God has a lesson for me if I open my heart to listen. I will be excited to have my first mentee actually think I have been a mentor many times. This will be a more formal approach.I am excited to come along side another woman and be a encouragement.
Today is another crossroads kinda day I have to decide if I want to stay at the nursing home or move on. It has been such a bittersweet experience there love my residents and the joy they bring me each day, Hate all the garbage that goes on there,I feel so overworked,and I am physically exhausted at the end of my 12 hour shift and still feel like I hardly had anytime with some of the residents 30 residents to one nurse is alot.So I am praying for direction and wisdom to know what to do.
I am missing my NY family and friends alot and really miss Patty and Lori my best buds..I have met people here and I love my COM group but don't really have anyone to go do things with except Sarah and she does not want to hang with me all the time... Lily does though ..I know I just need to be more aggressive and call people.. Well that's about it for now.Hope to have a GREAT GREAT DAY!!!

A test of faith

Well its been a emotional couple of days for me. Yesterday I went to the Dr for the results of the CT scan that I already knew were abnormal but just figured it was no big deal. Well the Dr said that my liver and spleen are very enlarged and gave me a bunch of reasons why it could be so after 6 tubes of blood and peeing in a cup again I left the office more confused than when I arrived. I have to see aspecialist on Wed. Its so hard here as I dont know any of the Drs like who is good. As a nurse I know this can be serious or it could be something simple and trust me I am praying its something simple. I know God allows us to go through things to make us stronger but Idont think I want to be any stronger. Last night I woke up at 2am and burst into tears thinking of all the what ifs,I am scared,nervous,and want Wed to get hear and the bloodwork to get back so we know what is going on.I know God is the great healer and if its his will he will take all this away.
The good thing is I had all normal blood work at my phyical in early Sept,and I dont have many symptoms other than a little fatique.And a little pain in my left rib cage probably from the enlarged spleen.I have to wonder why at times God allows things to happen ,I start asking am I not faithful enough,do I not pray enough,am Inot living as God wants me to hmmm not sure anymore . All I know is my heart is heavy and it makes me realize that in a second my life could be changed forever, it makes me stop and realize what is important in life,its not a perfect job or big house or things no its the people you love.I am praying this is just being caused by a virus .Everywhere I go at church ,in my mentoring class,at the Chonda Pierce concert we are all talking about being real letting others see out hurts and fears,well I am being real I dont want to hear anymore bad news I am askingyou all to pray pray pray for me that the results from the labs will be something simple.Pray God will give me rest over the next few days as they try to figure all this out.Love you all ,pray with out ceasing thats what I will be doing,,

October

Where has the time gone cant believe its been a month since I have written, Well God is still good and faithful and unfailing. We have not done much this fall just the normal ups and downs of life.I have been enjoying my mentoring class and have met some new people,I am excited that our small group is meeting again .Still working at the nursing home and still not sure if this is what I want to do but have come to realize it may be where God wants me right now.I have been having some health issues and ask that you all be inrayer that the Drs figure it all out.
Have been loving spending time with Gabe and Lily .Lily is like my side kick she always wants to come over,try to take her so Sarah can work at her business, she is doing a great job at it.She is selling stampin up now too,, she is so much like my mom crafty. go to skype with the NY kids and see Kailyn play her violin that was exciting and got to see the other two be silly man I love and miss those kids, I think they should move west...Dont think that will happen as Liz does not like the heat much..I have joined weight watcher and have lost 10 pounds this month well actually 9.74.We are enjoying cooler weather like in the 80s.Have really missed fall in NY this year.Well thats about it.May you all be blessed..

great trip

We had a great trip back home and I loved every min of it except sorting the stuff from the storage shed ,how 2 people can accumulate so much stuff is beyond me. We went swimming,golfing,to the fair ,school shopping,ice cream,and a wonderful family picnic,where the kids fished played in the mud waded in the water hiked had a camp fire made smores and ate way to much but a great time all in all .I got to see my mom and 3 of my 5 brothers and that thrilled my heart.And got to spend the day with my BFF and her daughter.

Now on to the fall and trying to figure out life and what God wants from this life.I am excited to be doing a mentoring class at church I have been through alot and God has taught me from each trial and I hope to beable to share that with other women. I know God never places us where he doesnot want us but sometimes I have to wonder why he allows us to go through things.I will be joining weight watchers in the AMthink I need a little push I lost nearly 80 pounds a couple years ago and have gained about 30 back so time to get back on track.Hopefully Sarah and I can start walking and she can hold me accountable and give me a push..

I still am up in the air about the job situation sometimes I think well just stay put and other days I am like get me out of here, it really is not a great place to work but then I feel bad for the residents well I know God will show me the right thingto do in His time not mine.

well thats about it for now hope you all are enjoying the cooler weather for those in NY soon winter will be on you and you will be wishing for summer and fall .

A little update

we are excited to be heading to NY a week from today,So excited to see my NY family and friends,I know it will be a busy week as we have to purge our storage shed like I said I will have lots of things so if you need something let me know we may have it. I cant believe that on Monday Gabe will start school where has the time gone cant hardly believe he is 5. He is his own little person. Life goes by so fast and the kids get big so fast.I can imagine how much the NY grandkids have changed since I seen them in March. I am still at the nursing home and still dont like it but sometimes God places us where we dontwant to be but we are exactly where He wants us to be if that makes any sence,I love the residents just dont love all the garbage that goes on there.
I am excited to be taking a mentoring training class this fall and hope God will use me to help others.I have had a fun summer but am looking forward to things slowing down a little would like to start stamping and scrapbooking again.
Today Gabe and Lily were here Sarah was helping Bill paint I bought a little pool for them and we filled itand I put bubble bath in it oh my what fun they had I gave them a pair of bath gloves and Gabe gave mom and dad a foot massage when they got here.I was thinking something that was so cheap brought a whole afternoon of fun.What is it with kids and water !!
Well time to get some rest may you all have a amazing week .

Love the Lord your God

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.Impress them on your children talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road whe you lie down and when you get up.Tie themas a symbols on your hands and bind them to your foreheads. write them on your doorframes of your house and Gate, Deuteronomy 6;5-9.

I have a scripture box and this was my scripture for today.I like to believe that I Love the Lord with every inch of my body but at times I seem so far from God even though I am in theword and praying,then other time I feel His love surround me like none other .and take God for granted.I have to admit in this crazy busy world we live in its easy to make God last not first,even though we know life will be so much eaiser if He is first.I shoule be seekingGod at the start of my day not teh end of my day but I guess the end is betterthan not seeking at all?I am going to try to start seeking in the morning and maye the days will be better at work , its a really crazy place to work and the people I work with come from such mixed up families with so much emotional baggage it makes me sad.I honestly dont know how they do it without having a belief in God,.I just keep thinking of that song my God is bigger MY God is stronger MY God is higher than any other ,and if our God is with us then who can be against us,,,

onto a different note we arevery excited to be going home to NY in 26 days first was coming alone .but it all worked out that Jay can come too, we got our tickets for a amazing price a huge blessing, we are looking forward to seeing the kids grandkids my mom and brothers and anyone else we can squeez in, we have to sort our storage sheds figure its been in storage this long probably dont need it ...trust you all have a amazing week and take time to really seek God today..

some thoughts I am pondering

Always love Sundays that I don't have to work and I have a chance to worship with my family and church family but today left me really thinking about alot of things wondering what it really means to live for Christ if called would I be willing to give up all he has given me to follow Him ?Not just follow Him in serving at the church ,but maybe going to place I am not comfortable in ,maybe giving up what I have the comforts of my home and family .Am I really willing? I am not sure? he tells us to go into dark places to be a light and use my hands for Him and my words for Him I like to think I am at the nursing home if you ever worked at one it can be a dark place for many of the residents and staff but today as I was thinking about the message this morning am I always a blessing at work ,I don't think I am especially when I get to complaining about things I get hurried in my day and don't always take the time to listen . I do want my residents and coworkers to see the joy I have but I am afraid I let circumstance take over,and it often robs me of my joy and the joy that I should be passing on to others.

Back to the question of am I willing to sacrifice my own comfort to benefit others I hope so .When I think about leaving the nursing home I am reminded that Jesus never gave up especially when helping others the easy road would be to leave find another job and life goes on .The second choice is to stay there and pray that I am the light to a often dark place and that God will use my hands to heal and my words to comfort.I will continue to ponder the question am I willing to give up everything for the cause of Christ? I know in my heart the only thing that matter when I meet my master is that I finished the race he set in front of me and that I finish it well.All the praise of man cant even compare to hearing one day well done good and faithful servant.

good day

Today was a good day went to breakfast witht the hubby and then to the farmers market took in a estate sale and got some free things at CVS .Then headed over to see the grandkids for a little bit hung with them for a while then home picked veggies from the garden and started to pick up the house when I received a call from some very dear friends that they needed some help with their mom so I went and helped them out and came back home did a few more things when they called and said we want to take you to dinner .So we went to dinner we had fun going down memory lane and I hope I was a encouragement to them . I have been in the same spot they are a few years ago with my mom .As we get older we are faced with some hard decisions when it comes to aging parents,alot of guilt creeps in and it can totally consume your life.I hope I never become like that to my children I pray for the Lords return before that.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the busy life that I forget people who have made a difference in mine and my children's,and the couple we had dinner with tonight have been a part of my life since high school,then a huge part of my children's life as their youth pastor and who would have thought we would be in Texas together just tonight I realized that God has allowed us to be part of each other life because as I needed them for wisdom with my children now I am able to return that with helping out with their mom.God is so faithful its easy to see God when things are all good,but not so easy to see God when the chips are down.I am thankful God is the same today tomorrow and forever .

Been a Hard week

Let me just say I am so thankful that I have the peace of knowing that God is with me no matter what. As many of you know I work at a nursing home and this week was state survey uggg uggg and more uggg.This place has issues andI stuggle with staying there and only by the Grace of God do I continue to go each day. I feel bad for the residents and hope that I am a blessing each day,just wonder at times if its worth it. I am so mentally tired tonight.Survey is done and we will be back to the same ol same ol on Monday.
tonight we went to the baseball game with Bill and the kids Sarah is away we had a good time ate hot dogs,cotten candy,ice cream and soda what a way to end a stressful week
hope to get to the farmers market in the am and maybe do a lil canning on Sunday,with Sarah,

to tired to write more but I am so thankful for prayer and mercies each day,,

Since my daughter and daughter in law are now blogging thought I would try this again.Just a little update on our past few months in Texas .We are now some what settled into the house and even though my things are still in storage in NY this house is starting to look like a home. We have had a busy summer so far we planted a good size garden and have been enjoying the rewards of Jays hard work and Sarahs I am the water person, Sarah and I were able to can some dill pickels yesterday and that was alot of fun , I have been spending time with Gabe and Lily we all went on a lil 3 day vacation last weekend to San Antinio and Sue was able to join us, We did the riverwalk,alamo and spent a long hot day at seaworld did I mention it was HOT.. We had a great time.Jay is enjoying his job at Sherwin Williams and I am at the nursing home its kinda like a love hate relationship..healthcare in general is hard.
I Think about my NY grandkids everyday and miss them alot and I miss Miah and Liz alot I hope to get home in August sometime the darn plane tickets are so expensive,then Jay and I plan on being home in the fall. Well think thats all for now 4:30 a come early and I am nearly 52 and need much beauty sleep but it does not seem to be working..