Living Life

I admire people who can really blog and layouts and pictures someday maybe I will have time for all that.This has been a difficult week for me ,difficult to keep focused on Gods Promises, we have had deaths in the family we have lost a close family friend.Family members who are facing very difficult times in their life. Friends who are at their wits ends,and even myself feeling a little defeated this week.Its been a rough week all the way around. Today its cold dreary and WINDY in West Texas good day for staying in and spending some time in Gods word.
I love being a nurse on most days ,feel like I make a difference on most days,but get so discouraged over our health care system in general and people in general. OVER my 30 years of nursing I have done many types of nursing,but I will tell you working in a nursing home is the hardest ,most demanding,job ever.It can be the most rewarding job ever too. Nursing homes in the US today are working short staff on a daily bases,with overtired nurses and aides who are picking up extra days to care for the people they have growen to love as their own family.to make sure all there needs are met. So please if you have a family member in a nursing home (as I have in the past) please don't always find everything that is wrong we all work very hard at making things right. Please remember someone always has to be first and someone always has to be last we are working as hard and as fast as we can while still attempting to give quality care.
Many of us go without lunch,or breaks to make sure your loved one is cared for if you want to build us up tell us thank you ,tell our bosses thank you for their hard work of keeping it all together,while attempting to make sure we have staffing and supplies,say thank you to our dietary staff who works long hard hours to prepare good food maybe not what your loved one likes but again you cant please everyone all the time. I am sure people in other countries would love to have the food that is served in our nursing homes.The laundry people who keep your parents clothes clean(personally would hate that job),,and the housekeepers who are overworked and underpaid ,, The maintenance people who haul around furniture all day or get your loved one a new mattress,the front desk person who ans the phone when you call about your loved one the therapy department who makes them stronger.We are all one big team trying to make it work .We have to smile and be happy even when our heart is breaking or our feet are killing us or we are hungry. I would dare any non medical person to walk in our shoes one day you will be happy to go back to your comfy job, We deal with death on a daily bases we learn to laugh ,cry and love we learn to be strong ,we learn that sometimes we are not as strong as we think when family member are gathered around a bed as their loved ones draw their last breath and the tears flow down your face in that moment when your are to be strong you suddenly are weak.We are the Health care workers.This is the calling God has called me to do .I do it with all my heart and soul.only by Gods grace can I do this everyday
LIKE I said in the first part of my post that I was feeling a little defeated this week.When a coworker pointed out that I was having a negative influence on the staff,it really caused me to step back and pray this one through.This is what I think ,I think I sometimes and very verbal (imagine that) and it was not very professional of me to say something in the clinical area,I am sure we have all done that not that it makes it right.Its made me humble and it made me seek forgiveness from my God.It made me be reminded that though you do many things right it will be the one thing you say or the action you take that is negative that people will remember. It made me realize that's not how I want others to see Christ in me.my devotional today said
this day is far to hard to handle alone I am aware of my helplessness in scheme of the events that I will face today I can try on my own or in Humble Obedience to God sometimes difficulties make the decision making hard,so when difficulties come my way I will consider it joy they are gifts from God and will make me rely on Him more and come out stronger.and my character will be restored,,Be blessed,

March...

Can hardly believe its been such a long time since I have blogged.

One of the best things over the past few months is a relationship with my new friend Stephanie.She has downs syndrome we were matched through a mentoring program at church and she has been a huge blessing as she teaches me to live life free of what others think.

The last time I blogged I was changing jobs the job has been okay. Never had a total desk job with nursing and not so sure I love it but for now its okay. I really believe my calling is to work with the old folks to be a blessing to them and their families.I have considered going back to the nursing home but on a daily bases God has closed the door .So either he wants me to wait on Him or He is closing the door for a reason.Funny how what I think is right for me Often time God does not.

I have been missing my NY family and friends alot we are planning a trip home in July and if at all possible would like to get home sooner but airfare is so expensive.I so wish we all lived close to each other.

we have enjoyed not having snow even though we had a cold winter in Texas it does not compare to NY.

When I listen to the news I just keep saying come quickly Lord Jesus.It gets worse each day but we know that God is in control.

Jay is still at the same job and for the most part enjoys it. He has been getting the gardens ready we have planted garlic and all our herbs , we hope to sell our produce at the local farmers market along with some great planter boxes he has been making.

well that's about where we are , We are thankful that we are both in good health and we are are able to enjoy the simple things in life.As I get older I realize chasing the American dream is not even worth it . The most important things are serving God having a husband who loves.me having a family who are God followers and are bringing their children up in the church.That's it for now,

God Bless

Becky

Cant believe its DECEMBER

I love this time of the year ,bakeing,cooking,family,friends, decorating ,eating laughing and the magic that this time of year brings. This year flew by can hardly believe that soon we will be entering into another year.I have been praying about a decision to leave the nursing home and after much prayer and talking to people who I trust I have decided to say good bye to my residents and their families whow,, its been very hard they become like your family.They have all had such kind word to me that I dont deserve you never realize how God uses you in ways you dont even see. I am so humble and thankful for all the kind words. I know that God had something for me or a plan for me at the Oncology center,I have been so stressed at my job knowing that I am unable to fix things ,the 12 hour shifts have been harder as I get older and sometimes feel like I have been put in ethical dilemma's with coworkers. I will miss my residents so much and some of my coworkers but I will stay prn .
I went for orientation at the new job and everyone seems so nice,I think it will be alot less stress on me and its great hours so Jay and I will be able to have more time together .No weekends or Holidays and they said we were off the 2 days prior to Christmas with pay crazy hey !!! Have my own little office and business cards with my name on it Intake Coordinator I feel so important ha ha ha.Change can be so hard but sometimes it can be good and needed.
Well just a little update ,,Jay is doing good still liking his job at Sherwin Williams and we are so blessed with great insurance there, we have been busy decorating for Christmas we all know how much my husband love those lights... I miss the NY grand kids alot and wish I could see them. well that's about it .Praying you all have a wonderful holiday season and take time to enjoy your family use those paper plates,bake together,and slow down and savor the season,
,,

Thankful

I have so much to be thankful for like friends and family . I am thankful for the life God Choose for me . though I dont always understand it I know its His perfect plan for me. I have been struggling with a career decision and this has been very hard for me . I have always loved beinga nurse but this past year has been a real struggle for me . I have thought about taking a break from nursing for a while but then I never have real peace about it,I have met some of the most amazing people along the way, but where I am at right now I feel as though I never have time to just sit and listen to theses old folks and they all have such a story , I just hope when I get old there will be someone who wants to hear my life story.Then there are the people I work with they all have a life story and some are not so pleasent.My heart hurts for some of these girls.Do they not realize there is so much more than abusive ,broken relationships, They are beautiful girls .

I am so glad I have a realtionship with the one who matters most,and know that no matter what He will always love me. Nursing is so much more than just passing pills and doing treatments it more than charting a millions words a day, its about showing Gods love to these old folks ,to be a smiling face,even when you dont want to smile,its holding a hand tight as they go to meet their maker,its comforting a family ,its being a example to my coworkers ,its team building,its pulling togeather when things get tough and its going the extra mile when you dont feel like it.I am thankful that I have been a nurse the last 26 yrs .I know its a hard road somedays but hope to be doing it for many years to come

Well it was a very long week waiting to see the specialist and its funny how much we lean on the Lord when we are put in a tough spot. My goal is to lean on God more even when I am not in a tough spot. I had wonderful news that this was most likely caused by a virus and resolve on its own in 2-6 months, praise God I was scared it was something serious.
I completed my mentoring class last night and the whole study was on the Titus 2 woman so at the end of class they gave us a book Becoming a Titus 2 woman yikes!!! Me strong willed,independent,career woman Oh dear this is going to be a stretch but I know God has a lesson for me if I open my heart to listen. I will be excited to have my first mentee actually think I have been a mentor many times. This will be a more formal approach.I am excited to come along side another woman and be a encouragement.
Today is another crossroads kinda day I have to decide if I want to stay at the nursing home or move on. It has been such a bittersweet experience there love my residents and the joy they bring me each day, Hate all the garbage that goes on there,I feel so overworked,and I am physically exhausted at the end of my 12 hour shift and still feel like I hardly had anytime with some of the residents 30 residents to one nurse is alot.So I am praying for direction and wisdom to know what to do.
I am missing my NY family and friends alot and really miss Patty and Lori my best buds..I have met people here and I love my COM group but don't really have anyone to go do things with except Sarah and she does not want to hang with me all the time... Lily does though ..I know I just need to be more aggressive and call people.. Well that's about it for now.Hope to have a GREAT GREAT DAY!!!

A test of faith

Well its been a emotional couple of days for me. Yesterday I went to the Dr for the results of the CT scan that I already knew were abnormal but just figured it was no big deal. Well the Dr said that my liver and spleen are very enlarged and gave me a bunch of reasons why it could be so after 6 tubes of blood and peeing in a cup again I left the office more confused than when I arrived. I have to see aspecialist on Wed. Its so hard here as I dont know any of the Drs like who is good. As a nurse I know this can be serious or it could be something simple and trust me I am praying its something simple. I know God allows us to go through things to make us stronger but Idont think I want to be any stronger. Last night I woke up at 2am and burst into tears thinking of all the what ifs,I am scared,nervous,and want Wed to get hear and the bloodwork to get back so we know what is going on.I know God is the great healer and if its his will he will take all this away.
The good thing is I had all normal blood work at my phyical in early Sept,and I dont have many symptoms other than a little fatique.And a little pain in my left rib cage probably from the enlarged spleen.I have to wonder why at times God allows things to happen ,I start asking am I not faithful enough,do I not pray enough,am Inot living as God wants me to hmmm not sure anymore . All I know is my heart is heavy and it makes me realize that in a second my life could be changed forever, it makes me stop and realize what is important in life,its not a perfect job or big house or things no its the people you love.I am praying this is just being caused by a virus .Everywhere I go at church ,in my mentoring class,at the Chonda Pierce concert we are all talking about being real letting others see out hurts and fears,well I am being real I dont want to hear anymore bad news I am askingyou all to pray pray pray for me that the results from the labs will be something simple.Pray God will give me rest over the next few days as they try to figure all this out.Love you all ,pray with out ceasing thats what I will be doing,,

October

Where has the time gone cant believe its been a month since I have written, Well God is still good and faithful and unfailing. We have not done much this fall just the normal ups and downs of life.I have been enjoying my mentoring class and have met some new people,I am excited that our small group is meeting again .Still working at the nursing home and still not sure if this is what I want to do but have come to realize it may be where God wants me right now.I have been having some health issues and ask that you all be inrayer that the Drs figure it all out.
Have been loving spending time with Gabe and Lily .Lily is like my side kick she always wants to come over,try to take her so Sarah can work at her business, she is doing a great job at it.She is selling stampin up now too,, she is so much like my mom crafty. go to skype with the NY kids and see Kailyn play her violin that was exciting and got to see the other two be silly man I love and miss those kids, I think they should move west...Dont think that will happen as Liz does not like the heat much..I have joined weight watcher and have lost 10 pounds this month well actually 9.74.We are enjoying cooler weather like in the 80s.Have really missed fall in NY this year.Well thats about it.May you all be blessed..